Anxiety Provocation

Hi all! Happy Hump-day!

Last week and the upcoming next few weeks will be met with anxiety. So let’s start with last week. Last week I had two photoshoots, an appointment with the NPO, an appointment with the ministry, and a tattoo session. So even prior to the actual events there was a lot of anxiety. The location of the first photoshoot and bringing my gear there, not knowing what the conditions would be like (lighting, weather, etc.), meeting new people and interacting with them. Then there was the whole preparation process of ensuring all previous photos were backed up and ready to go so that a new batch of photos could be taken, ensuring all my memory cards were freed up with ample capacity to take photos, ensuring I packed all the right equipment. All these factors were overwhelming me and then I looked at the calendar and dreaded it some more. Then on the day of, I arrived early and everything went smoothly. Then after the shoot I went home and did backups of the photos and loaded them onto my laptop. As I had not eaten anything all day, I decided to go to Starbucks and do my post there. But first I had to go to two banks to get forms filled out in preparation for the next day’s appointment with the ministry. So after going to the banks, I finally headed out to Starbucks and sat there for several hours drinking a venti black Pike Place; still nothing eaten. When I’m working and fully engaged in work, I tend to forget the necessities of life. Several hours later I had about filtered and edited about 100-ish photos out of 900-ish photos I took that day. Next day delivery.

So moving along to the next day, I woke up bright and early and sat about doing nothing much, then I got ready and headed to the ministry office to hand in my documents. Then one thing led to another and I find out that my case has been hanging about in limbo with no caseworker assigned to it and that if it wasn’t me constantly hounding them about the status the file would have been closed. That’s the government for you. So I finally get a clearer picture of what the process is and how it should be done after talking with the worker who then set up another appointment with me for this week. He also gave me some more paperwork to fill out, so now I have a folder full of papers to hand in to the worker who SHOULD BE looking after my case and hopefully expediting it. It was just really upsetting for me because I was never actually moved along the production line and was always at square one technically, even though I had been approved of the status because no one had been looking at my files. After dealing with them, I went back home to mull over my situation and my luck and wondered why I always get dealt such bad hands. Anyway, after mulling on it some more, I decided to get ready for my next appointment. Went over to the Archdiocese Center and had prepared about 100-ish photos for them to pick out 50; they ended up taking 110 photos. I was fine with that. If they like what they see, then it’s alright by me. As long as my clients are happy, I’m happy. Then going home, I had to charge all my camera equipment, give them a good wipe down and cleaning for the next photoshoot on Saturday as I wouldn’t have time on Friday.

Friday morning I woke up at 0500 and got ready to leave the house to the ferry terminal. I was once again getting another tattoo done and I urgently needed to catch the ferry to make my appointment. I got there with ample time to spare and waited a while and got on the ferry. The ride was uneventful with the exception that the communications employee asked for an invoice of a higher value than what was agreed upon. I happily obliged and sent her the invoice to look over and check for any mistakes as I was still half asleep whilst on the ferry. Along the journey from the mainland to the island, I lost cellular signal and so I could not communicate with her until I got onto shore again. It was while I was in session getting my tattoo done that I received her message of the changes she wanted to implement; nothing major just some spelling errors. I couldn’t do it from my phone, so I gave her the thumbs up to make the changes and send it off for approval. With that out of the way, the only thing I had to worry about was the next day’s photoshoot. It was a long and far journey from where I live and as much as I would have liked to scout out the area, it would have been a waste of petrol. Anyway, the journey back from the island to the mainland after the tattoo was done was surprisingly good. I didn’t miss a single bus or train or ferry. Just as I arrived they were all there waiting for me. A slight change in luck, and that makes me suspicious of the situation.

Now come Saturday, once again I woke up early to deal with some stuff on my computers, turns out I have absolutely no more space on my main photos hard drive! This caused me to panic a little but I have several backups at all times so I knew I the newer data was still safe and the older data was on the server and backed up to a remote server. So all was well, but I still needed to get two hard drives fast and quick or else I’d be in trouble. However, not so quick because I still have my debts to pay off. I have to first prioritize what I need first and then look at when to get them. Sure I have money coming in but it’s not a lot of money and it’s not a steady stream, so I have to be careful or else I go back into debt again and pay ridiculous amounts of interest. So after discovering that issue, I next started to pack up and get ready for the photoshoot, then my cousin messages me and asks me last minute if I could do a photoshoot for her products and I tried to fit the two photoshoots in but I just couldn’t do it. By the time I got to her place and set up, I’d have to take down and pack up and leave. So I hesitantly let that one go. Sad face. Then I slipped into bed for a quick nap and woke up and realized I had to leave the house and didn’t have time to iron the white shirt and dress properly, so I quickly threw on some stuff and hoped no one would take notice of how poorly I manage my time. I got to the location an hour and a half early just as planned and quickly scouted the area outside and inside. Took mental notes of the lighting and the adjustments I would have to make and then stood around for the Archbishop to arrive and celebrate anticipatory Mass. What I was not aware of, was that there was First Holy Communion as well as Confirmation. So I had to adjust and adapt accordingly. Unfortunately I missed a few shots simply due to the fact that people are doing what they’re doing and they get in the way of a shot and I can’t just scream “GTFO my shot!” in church. It’s just the nature of things so I let it go. Overall, it was an interesting experience. I’m not sure how well received this batch of photos will be received.

Now come Sunday, I woke up particularly early once again and started to process my photos from Saturday’s shoot. I had already backed up everything and so I was ready for post. After working for a while, my mom comes in and asks if I’m ready and I’m just confused. And she tells me we have to go to the cemetery today. And then it clicked in my head. I had completely forgotten about it. So again I quickly pack my things and throw on some clothes and get ready. On the car ride there, I booted up the laptop and started working on the photos during the ride. I was about half done by the time we got there. Then after being there and paying our respects to our ancestors, we left and on the car ride back and at the restaurant I finished up editing the remainder of the photos and that was it.

Now comes this week. Monday, I hand in about 100 or so photos for the team to pick out 30 photos from. And then after that, I send an invoice to them. Then tomorrow, I have the aforementioned appointment at the ministry office and I can’t be late for that. I don’t want to have to reschedule and waste more time. Time is money! So I have to remember to pack and bring all the documents and paperwork required and get there early. Then I have another appointment on Thursday and I have to bring some things with me and fill out some paperwork. Then Saturday I have bloodwork that needs to be done. The week after that I have two doctor’s appointments back to back and I have to book it from one place to another then book it to the airport to pick up my cousin. The next day I have a 24 hour holter monitor and I have to get that done then book it to yoga. Hopefully, if I show up early enough at the lab they can fit me in for the holter monitor hook up quickly and all will be fine and I’ll have enough time to make it to yoga. Then after all that is done and over with I can finally relax a bit and work on my to-do list.

So that’s the anxiety provocation situation I’m in. The smallest sign of stress becomes a huge deal to me. It may be easy to shrug off for some people, but it’s a huge deal for me and I’m working on going through it step by step and trying to take breaths in between things. It sucks that I’m prone to the slightest provocation of stress and it frustrates me to no end and that only makes the situation worse but here I am, still standing (actually, I’m sitting down right now).

See you all next week!

Hope you all have a great WTF rest of the week!

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