Hi all! Happy Hump-Day!
So, what is my daily routine like when I’m manic or depressed? It’s pretty much the same old stick around in my room for the whole day sort of deal.
- I wake up and take my medications then crawl back into bed because I’m still hazy.
- After a several minutes, the medications have taken effect and now I have enough energy to get up from bed, though I’m still hazy.
- I go downstairs and grab a cup of applesauce and eat that then return to my room.
- I get on my phone and start playing a mobile game that I’m somewhat addicted to. I’ve made up a spreadsheet to calculate things and set my teams.
- After finishing all the quest requirements for the day in the game, I check my emails; most of them are junk advertisement emails. Most of the time I don’t even bother reading them, I just highlight them, mark them as read, and archive.
- Then I take a look at my notebook. This notebook is indispensable. I write all my thoughts and to-do tasks in it. I prefer an analog to-do list rather than relying on an app on my phone.
- I peruse through my notes and make new notes and tasks, and pick out a task that I’m going to do for the day. Many factors come into play when deciding which task I will do first. Is it easy to accomplish? Do I have the motivation and energy to do it? Is it urgent? Does someone else rely on me completing this task in order to do their’s? This list of questions is not inclusive, they’re just merely some of the questions that came to mind. Due to my condition, I can get a lot done while I’m manic or I can get nothing done because I’m scatterbrained and I’ll jump from task to task leaving uncompleted tasks everywhere. Whereas when I’m depressed, basically nothing gets done. I do the bare minimum.
- After going through the list of things to do, I’ll either commence right away or take a bit of a break (after having done nothing but game on my mobile). During this break, which has no set time limit, I usually space out or I start talking to people who aren’t there and I have full on conversations with these people that are purely in my mind. A scenario will popup in my head and I’ll start talking away. And sometimes I’ll impersonate and do accents (very poorly). Then there are times when I stare at the wall and start talking to the wall about my problems. And this is why there’s no set time and a lot of my day is wasted in this process because I can space out and have these conversations for hours.
- After I snap out of these reveries, I look at the clock and wonder what happened and how it went from noon to 1600. It’s amazing how time flies by when I’m having these conversations with no one. While I realize it’s a huge time-sink, it’s also extremely therapeutic for me. They actually bring me a sense of happiness, as each scenario is different and I’m put in a different situation each time and I’m left to deal with storyline and the consequences of my own actions. While I was working in Calgary, I wasn’t able to do any of this. Partly because I was busy with work and partly because I was paranoid that the room was bugged and people were watching me. But in the comfort of my own room, I can do whatever I want which is why I lock myself in my room so often; it’s my safe zone. However, my safe zone can also turn into my personal prison. When I’m depressed, I feel confined to the room and I can’t get out and I start freaking out. And the scenarios that popup in my head match accordingly to the current phase that I’m in. And they get more and more sinister as I go deeper down the rabbit hole.
- After looking at the clock and realizing I’ve accomplished nothing, I berate myself for being an absolute cockup and then go eat dinner and after dinner try to do some of the work that I was supposed to do.
That’s basically my day at a glance. It’s pretty straight forward and because of the huge time sink, it really sucks up most of my time. So when I really want things done, I go to the coffee shop and I’ll sit there for hours and work on things. What I’d like to be able to do is find some time to read my collection of books. There are several books I’d like to read and learn from but I’m a complete mess and I don’t know how to manage what little time I have each day. But I find that when I’m actually working, I can time manage quite well and when I’m working, I tend to be a workaholic. I don’t stop working until everything is complete. Which may or may not be a good thing.
Anyway, just thought I’d share with you a quick glance at my day. If you have any inputs and thoughts feel free to leave me a comment. I’m always looking for ways to improve my days and my workflow.
Have a happy WTF rest of the week and see you all next week!