Frustrating Failure Freakout Flop

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Hi all! Happy Tuesday! It’s raining today. It’s been gloomy these past couple days and that’s not good. When it rains I get depressed. It sucks that the weather can affect my mood. I wish that wasn’t the case. Anyway this week so far has been better than last week. Let’s go back in time and relive what happened…

So last Monday I got into a bit of an argument and row with my parents over a potential job offer. I basically said I didn’t want the job because I didn’t like the work but my parents insisted I give the guy a call, whether or not it lead to something was a different issue. So fine, I gave in and I was like, “Fine, whatever.” So the next day, Tuesday, I gave the guy a call in the morning and he said he’d text me the location and time for our meeting. I met him that afternoon at noon and as per usual I bumbled my way through the meeting. But despite my bumbling, I still somehow got the job. Fuck. This always happens. I bumble my way through an interview and somehow get the job. Anyway, needless to say I wasn’t happy about it but I thought to myself why not just give it a shot. I also had a panic attack while thinking of what was going to come next. Anyway, come the next day, Wednesday, I showed up bright and early at the job site with my tools. I worked hard; I didn’t half ass it. By the end of the day my body was broken. I was so drained mentally, and physically. I was emotionally angered. I think that was what drove me to exhaustion. I hated the work. I was angry at the job. I was so upset and angry the entire day and it drove me insane. Since the moment I started the job I was already hating myself for having taken on the job. It was uninspiring, repetitive, and tiresome work. I’m not opposed to work and I am well aware that work can be boring and tiresome and requires sacrifice but this was akin to watching paint dry. It was unfulfilling. I was so saddened by this experience. Anyway, when I got home I got into another row with my parents about the job and I ended up sending the guy an email that I quit. I couldn’t stand working another day in that field. Now, I’m just a lost sheep. Still reaching out in the darkness, reaching for something to hold onto. Something to do with my life. I have no clue what I’m going to do next and that scares me. I’ve tried so many things and nothing’s really panned out well for me. I’m thinking of just going back to school and subject hop until I find my niche. Le big sigh. I am most worried. My fears are triggering my anxiety and I keep having to tell myself to calm the fuck down. I mean I could always take a couple of Ativans but I’d rather not have to rely on them. So at any rate, this was what happened last week that got me all depressed and anxious and upset and exhausted.

This also marks the end of the Vancouver Autoshow 2015 album! Onwards to new photos! The next album will be decided in Friday’s post! See you all on Friday. Have a good week until then!

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