Hi all! Happy Wednesday!
I spoke with the ex last night. Well to be honest it resembled morse code than anything. “Hi…uhh…uhh…how…uhh…are…you?” So speaking isn’t exactly the right word for it, but it’ll have to do.
It really bums me out that I can barely talk to her. I mean sure yeah we’re still “friends” but things are awkward. I don’t know how to un-awkward things. I want to experience that same feeling of friendship prior to things going south. There are so many unarticulated words in my head I want to say to her. Words and feelings and thoughts I want to describe and express to her. The inability to express it or anything else makes my drinking worse. I know, I know, you’re not supposed to mix alcohol with the medication but I don’t care. I’m self-destructive like that. I deserve it and whatever hell it brings.
I don’t want to see myself anymore. Amazing what a bowl of lemons can make! I drew the picture some time ago from a bowl of lemons. Somehow it turned into Bowser.
Stay tuned for Friday’s post! And as always your thoughts and comments are welcomed below!
remixboy 
It’s hard to articulate how we feel sometimes or most of the time…i enjoy writing/journaling when i have a particular difficult time..you seem to be really comfortable writing so maybe you can write her a letter? Or write down everything you wanna say and then read it to her the next time you talk to her..I’ve done that before and it helps a lot..