The Organization Continuity

Hi all! Happy Hump Day! I hope you are all well!

So what has transpired in the week since my last post? Well lots of things, obviously. I’ve managed to clean up the major working area of the desktop as well as reorganize power bars and implement a rudimentary (DIY) solution to all the cables that will be routed around the computer once I move it back into the room. I’ve made accommodations to move the safe to a better location. I also have other big plan to clean up areas of the house but for now let’s just focus on my room. Monday I went through piles of paperwork and binders full of educational material. Tuesday I sorted out my camera gear and found a place to put the ones I rarely use to a safe location. And finally today, I will have cleared a path to move the safe to the new location. All will be well. But I mustn’t let up and slack off, there is still a lot to do! Once I get access to the closet there’ll be another huge project to tackle, one that I am not looking forward to tackling. But it’s all been broken down piece by piece in manageable chunks so that I can get everything done correctly. I do not want to screw things up. Everything has to be perfect, if the day is not right, I’ll postpone it. If I feel that I’ve had enough for the day and need to break from the cleaning and leave it for another day, so be it.

This brings to mind how the progression of the pathology of my OCD/OCPD has come along through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). In the past, I would stress and worry and have panic attacks over tasks not being done by or before a deadline. Now through awareness of oneself and through CBT, I have been able to curb those stressors and anxiety provoking scenarios. Now, this is not to say that I don’t have my moments of frustrations and freak-outs. But they seem, to me anyway, somewhat controlled and I can handle and adapt to situations better. However, it is also not to be said that I do not honor deadlines. If say, I am working with a client and the client needs my photos filtered and edited within a day’s time and I have thousands of photos, I’ll burn the midnight candle and get it done and delivered the next day. Of course, this is an extreme example. But I now realize the difference between hard and soft deadlines. Prior to this, it was all or nothing. Either it was a deadline that needed to be met or all hope was lost and the die is cast, I am doomed. But now I can relax a bit and enjoy the work I do. I don’t mind the deadlines so much. Scheduled appointments I’ll still try to show up early and work within the timeframe so as to not be a nuisance to others and show respect to them.

Anyway, just starting by tracking my thought processes either on paper or mentally keeping track has helped a lot in terms of seeing what I can do to adjust the parameters in terms of how I react to situations or things not being done or criteria not being met. It’s all still a work in progress and I have a long way to go. Just the other day I threw a fit when my meds were not prepared and ready on time and placed on the kitchen countertop. But what you have to understand is that those medications weren’t time critical, I could have waited till the next morning to have them ready for me to take. I just prefer that they’re in a vial ready for me to take up to my room and have easy and immediate access to them when I wake up in the morning. So you see how it’s still a work in progress? I’m still struggling to control those rageful moments when something isn’t done correctly according to the high standards I’ve set for myself and others. And in my condition, I rely heavily upon the help of others for support; it’s a huge crutch for me. I’d like to be free of that crutch and I’m aiming for it but for the time being it’s all I’ve got. Although there are certain things that I can do without others, most things I rely on others and although I may not always show it, I am truly grateful for all the help that I’ve received from my support systems. Sometimes it takes me several days to realize what someone has done for me and I thank them for it. If it’s an obvious one I’ll thank them immediately.

So just to conclude, the organization continues and I am still trying to get access to my closet which will then open up another whole new dungeon to explore.

See you all! And have a happy WTF rest of the week!

The Organization Disruption Conception

Hi all! Happy Hump Day!

The cleaning of my room has become an overwhelming task for me amongst other things. I am trying to power through it all and get it all done, but more things seem to be revealing themselves as I uncover the mess. This is the problem with hoarding things; the mess may seem small, but there lies a bigger mess underneath the façade.

Late last week, I spent the whole day trying to remove an old low voltage box/bracket that was screwed into the stud and covered by drywall. As the hole was already big enough for the new bracket I just had to get rid of the existing bracket so that the new bracket would fit in. I didn’t want to cut away more drywall and have to patch it up again just to remove the screws, so I took out the Dremel and Flex Shaft and started to Dremel away. Unbeknownst to me, was just how tough this old bracket was. Took me nearly 3 hours trying to cut it off. I also had to be careful because there were cables that I had already pulled through and so I didn’t want to damage those and there was an existing coax cable that needed to be connected at all times, or else someone in the house would be screaming bloody murder that the TV wasn’t working. Made a huge dusty mess of black plastic and drywall dust. Should have worn my respirator but I couldn’t be bothered. At least I wore safety goggles. After vacuuming and cleaning everything up, I installed the new Ethernet cables and the bracket and slapped on the cover plate and now everything looks neat and tidy. But that took up most of my day and by the time I was done, I had to call it a day because I’m an early bird. I wake at around 0400/0500 and I try to get as much done as I can during those wee hours without waking anyone up. And by the time I was done with that mess, my meds had run out of juice and I desperately needed a nap. So I cleaned myself off and slipped into bed and napped.

Now all that remains of the cleaning process is to clear everything off my desk and pack/toss out any and everything in my room. So basically we’re back at square one of the cleaning process. This installation of the new LV bracket was the disruption. I now have tools of all sorts lying around my installation corner that need to be cleaned up. I have a surprising amount of big binders full of material that need filing away. I also have stacks of paperwork that need to be filed into binders and put away. Basically, lots of filing. Even the process of retaining my things and putting them into corresponding boxes I have a filing “system” for it and I write down and tape onto the exterior of the box what the contents of the box are, so when I go digging for something I don’t have to open every single box. It’s tedious work but worth it, I think, in the long run.

I think for the next few weeks I’ll be posting about the progress of my room cleaning project and seeing how it goes. I’m forcing and powering through it despite my depressive phase and trying not to let the depression get in the way of productivity. But sometimes, it just gets out of hand and I just lie in bed and just stay there.

Anyway, have a great WTF rest of the week and I’ll see you all next week!

Sorry for the Inconvenience

Hi all! Happy hump day!

As I type this on my mobile I’m wondering how committed I am to this blogging thing. And yet here I am typing away even without my laptop.

As you may have noticed over the past couple of weeks, I have been missing in action and that’s primarily due to a cleaning frenzy and family members from different parts of the world coming together to reunite and working on a new filing system.

That’s really all I have to say at the moment. I hope to be able to get back to the usual schedule and blog on a weekly basis. I hope you all understand just how busy and hectic it’s been for me these past few weeks. And I, in return, apologize for the sudden silence.

That’s all for this week’s short post and have a great WTF rest of the week!

Anxiety Provocation

Hi all! Happy Hump-day!

Last week and the upcoming next few weeks will be met with anxiety. So let’s start with last week. Last week I had two photoshoots, an appointment with the NPO, an appointment with the ministry, and a tattoo session. So even prior to the actual events there was a lot of anxiety. The location of the first photoshoot and bringing my gear there, not knowing what the conditions would be like (lighting, weather, etc.), meeting new people and interacting with them. Then there was the whole preparation process of ensuring all previous photos were backed up and ready to go so that a new batch of photos could be taken, ensuring all my memory cards were freed up with ample capacity to take photos, ensuring I packed all the right equipment. All these factors were overwhelming me and then I looked at the calendar and dreaded it some more. Then on the day of, I arrived early and everything went smoothly. Then after the shoot I went home and did backups of the photos and loaded them onto my laptop. As I had not eaten anything all day, I decided to go to Starbucks and do my post there. But first I had to go to two banks to get forms filled out in preparation for the next day’s appointment with the ministry. So after going to the banks, I finally headed out to Starbucks and sat there for several hours drinking a venti black Pike Place; still nothing eaten. When I’m working and fully engaged in work, I tend to forget the necessities of life. Several hours later I had about filtered and edited about 100-ish photos out of 900-ish photos I took that day. Next day delivery.

So moving along to the next day, I woke up bright and early and sat about doing nothing much, then I got ready and headed to the ministry office to hand in my documents. Then one thing led to another and I find out that my case has been hanging about in limbo with no caseworker assigned to it and that if it wasn’t me constantly hounding them about the status the file would have been closed. That’s the government for you. So I finally get a clearer picture of what the process is and how it should be done after talking with the worker who then set up another appointment with me for this week. He also gave me some more paperwork to fill out, so now I have a folder full of papers to hand in to the worker who SHOULD BE looking after my case and hopefully expediting it. It was just really upsetting for me because I was never actually moved along the production line and was always at square one technically, even though I had been approved of the status because no one had been looking at my files. After dealing with them, I went back home to mull over my situation and my luck and wondered why I always get dealt such bad hands. Anyway, after mulling on it some more, I decided to get ready for my next appointment. Went over to the Archdiocese Center and had prepared about 100-ish photos for them to pick out 50; they ended up taking 110 photos. I was fine with that. If they like what they see, then it’s alright by me. As long as my clients are happy, I’m happy. Then going home, I had to charge all my camera equipment, give them a good wipe down and cleaning for the next photoshoot on Saturday as I wouldn’t have time on Friday.

Friday morning I woke up at 0500 and got ready to leave the house to the ferry terminal. I was once again getting another tattoo done and I urgently needed to catch the ferry to make my appointment. I got there with ample time to spare and waited a while and got on the ferry. The ride was uneventful with the exception that the communications employee asked for an invoice of a higher value than what was agreed upon. I happily obliged and sent her the invoice to look over and check for any mistakes as I was still half asleep whilst on the ferry. Along the journey from the mainland to the island, I lost cellular signal and so I could not communicate with her until I got onto shore again. It was while I was in session getting my tattoo done that I received her message of the changes she wanted to implement; nothing major just some spelling errors. I couldn’t do it from my phone, so I gave her the thumbs up to make the changes and send it off for approval. With that out of the way, the only thing I had to worry about was the next day’s photoshoot. It was a long and far journey from where I live and as much as I would have liked to scout out the area, it would have been a waste of petrol. Anyway, the journey back from the island to the mainland after the tattoo was done was surprisingly good. I didn’t miss a single bus or train or ferry. Just as I arrived they were all there waiting for me. A slight change in luck, and that makes me suspicious of the situation.

Now come Saturday, once again I woke up early to deal with some stuff on my computers, turns out I have absolutely no more space on my main photos hard drive! This caused me to panic a little but I have several backups at all times so I knew I the newer data was still safe and the older data was on the server and backed up to a remote server. So all was well, but I still needed to get two hard drives fast and quick or else I’d be in trouble. However, not so quick because I still have my debts to pay off. I have to first prioritize what I need first and then look at when to get them. Sure I have money coming in but it’s not a lot of money and it’s not a steady stream, so I have to be careful or else I go back into debt again and pay ridiculous amounts of interest. So after discovering that issue, I next started to pack up and get ready for the photoshoot, then my cousin messages me and asks me last minute if I could do a photoshoot for her products and I tried to fit the two photoshoots in but I just couldn’t do it. By the time I got to her place and set up, I’d have to take down and pack up and leave. So I hesitantly let that one go. Sad face. Then I slipped into bed for a quick nap and woke up and realized I had to leave the house and didn’t have time to iron the white shirt and dress properly, so I quickly threw on some stuff and hoped no one would take notice of how poorly I manage my time. I got to the location an hour and a half early just as planned and quickly scouted the area outside and inside. Took mental notes of the lighting and the adjustments I would have to make and then stood around for the Archbishop to arrive and celebrate anticipatory Mass. What I was not aware of, was that there was First Holy Communion as well as Confirmation. So I had to adjust and adapt accordingly. Unfortunately I missed a few shots simply due to the fact that people are doing what they’re doing and they get in the way of a shot and I can’t just scream “GTFO my shot!” in church. It’s just the nature of things so I let it go. Overall, it was an interesting experience. I’m not sure how well received this batch of photos will be received.

Now come Sunday, I woke up particularly early once again and started to process my photos from Saturday’s shoot. I had already backed up everything and so I was ready for post. After working for a while, my mom comes in and asks if I’m ready and I’m just confused. And she tells me we have to go to the cemetery today. And then it clicked in my head. I had completely forgotten about it. So again I quickly pack my things and throw on some clothes and get ready. On the car ride there, I booted up the laptop and started working on the photos during the ride. I was about half done by the time we got there. Then after being there and paying our respects to our ancestors, we left and on the car ride back and at the restaurant I finished up editing the remainder of the photos and that was it.

Now comes this week. Monday, I hand in about 100 or so photos for the team to pick out 30 photos from. And then after that, I send an invoice to them. Then tomorrow, I have the aforementioned appointment at the ministry office and I can’t be late for that. I don’t want to have to reschedule and waste more time. Time is money! So I have to remember to pack and bring all the documents and paperwork required and get there early. Then I have another appointment on Thursday and I have to bring some things with me and fill out some paperwork. Then Saturday I have bloodwork that needs to be done. The week after that I have two doctor’s appointments back to back and I have to book it from one place to another then book it to the airport to pick up my cousin. The next day I have a 24 hour holter monitor and I have to get that done then book it to yoga. Hopefully, if I show up early enough at the lab they can fit me in for the holter monitor hook up quickly and all will be fine and I’ll have enough time to make it to yoga. Then after all that is done and over with I can finally relax a bit and work on my to-do list.

So that’s the anxiety provocation situation I’m in. The smallest sign of stress becomes a huge deal to me. It may be easy to shrug off for some people, but it’s a huge deal for me and I’m working on going through it step by step and trying to take breaths in between things. It sucks that I’m prone to the slightest provocation of stress and it frustrates me to no end and that only makes the situation worse but here I am, still standing (actually, I’m sitting down right now).

See you all next week!

Hope you all have a great WTF rest of the week!

Photoshoot Week

This week is photoshoot week for me. I’ve got a couple of photoshoots lined up and I’m nervous as heck. Wracking my brain trying to think of interesting perspectives and trying to figure out what equipment to bring as they’re located in somewhat sketchy areas. So the less I bring the better, but I have to bring my A game with me as well. I have to prepare all my camera gear and not miss anything. I’ve literally been having nightmares over this, for the past few weeks. Batteries dying out on me; not having enough storage space on my cards and all these worst case scenarios. I haven’t had a good night’s rest despite all my sedatives. And you know that’s not a good thing especially with the amount of sedatives I take. I have my dates all messed up and I keep freaking out thinking it’s the next day and “Oh shit! I forgot something!” It’s really nerve wracking. Clearly, I don’t handle responsibility, stress, the unknown, and work well. I have red dots on my calendar app indicating what prep work I have to do and what is going on the day of. After this blog post I’m going to start prepping the equipment and pick and choose what I need to bring and make sure it all fits in my bag.

Besides the photoshoots, I also have a tattoo session on the island this week so that means I have to wake up super early and catch the 0700 ferry to the island. So again that’s nerve wracking in its own way because I have to wake up early and ensure I get on the ferry in time or else I’ll be screwed for my appointment. Usually this means I have to wake up at around 0500. I hope the weather is good that day or else I shall be extremely upset.

All in all, I’m a hot mess right now. Just fussing over things that don’t really need fussing over. The government has shafted me yet again and I’m not happy with that. I just can’t figure out how they do things and how they don’t seem to have any set procedures in approaching an individual’s files. They’ve pushed things off on my file to the point that apparently although nothing has changed in terms of my banking statements, they’re requesting that I hand over new ones. And I’m like “Dafuq were y’all doing with my old ones?” Ah, whatever. I’ll just bear with it some more. So I suppose that ends my rant for this week. Next week should be a lot more quiet and back to my peaceful life.

Have a great WTF rest of the week! I’ll see you all next week at the same time!

I Am Tired

Hi all! Happy Hump-Day! I hope this post finds you well!

For those of you who haven’t caught on yet, I post every week on Wednesdays. I write up my posts on Mondays or earlier and then I schedule them to post on Wednesdays at 0800. So keep an eye out for my oh-so-very-interesting posts every Wednesday.

Recently I finished my course in Evidence-Based Project Management. But now I’m left in limbo and unsure of what courses to take. Might take some IT courses or web development courses or database courses. Who knows! With the advances in technology you can learn so much for free now on the Internet. It’s a brave new world and I’m in my room conquering it all. Anyway, in the interim while I decide on what course to take next, I’m spending my time procrastinating on my huge to-do list. Except I tire easily. I spend most of my morning hours replying to messages from friends around the world and checking emails (most of them are subscription emails to be honest). Then I play my video game and try to achieve all the daily goals as fast as I can. Right now, in the game, I’m focusing on leveling my heroes so that they’re all at the same level. Kind of stuck in limbo at the moment. Because there are so many heroes I need to level up and level up their skills, but I lack the resources such as experience potions, so it’s a little frustrating. I end up having to figure out the prioritization of each team or hero to level up based on the amount of resources I have. Then there’s the spreadsheet that I created to help me keep track of the stats and everything for each team. I update this periodically so that I can get a quick glance at how my teams are in terms of might/power and whether or not I should move different heroes around to different teams to make them more effective. By the time I’m done all this texting, emailing, and gaming stuff, it’s about lunch time and so I make a protein fruit smoothie and down that and then I get really tired and I’m out of juice to function anymore. Sometimes I just give in and take a nap, other times I power through it and continue with doing stuff off my to-do list. So far, since my last deep depressive phase, I’ve been riding a kiddie rollercoaster. There are minor ups and minor downs, but the constant is that I get tired around the same time every day and I can’t seem to do much about it. I know for a guy with not a whole lot on his plate I shouldn’t be complaining about being tired and in all and honesty, I don’t even know where the tiredness comes from, but around the same time every day I can feel my energy and productivity levels start to drop and I get really frustrated with that. It’s rather a silly conundrum. Anyway, I’ll think more on this subject and try and figure out a root cause of the problem. I shan’t bother you with more of my drivel.

Have a great WTF rest of the week everyone!

Just Another Day

Hi all! Happy Hump-Day!

I hope this finds you all well. I do apologize for the late post. Usually, I write my posts on Mondays and schedule them to post on Wednesdays. However, I wasn’t really up for it on Monday and yesterday I had some errands to run so I never got around to writing up a post.

I recently managed to get a pen pal, however, since I’ve never had a pen pal before I struggled a lot with composing something. However, I hope it’s enough to start a conversation. Also I do hope my chicken scratches are legible enough. I did however find paper that works very well with the fountain pen I write with. It’s watercolor paper 140lb and it doesn’t feather and retains the sharpness of the pen’s writing. That’s a great thing. Anyway, if anyone has any tips on writing to a pen pal please feel free to share your thoughts and ideas!

I also got in touch with a friend yesterday, and we had an informal meeting of sorts and we talked about potential gigs that I could work. So that’s another great thing. Also, the CV shaft on the Civic has been fixed so now I have my Smart back to drive around. Yet another great thing.

One last thing, I finally finished my Evidence-Based Project Management course with a 92%. Another great thing. The course was full of grammatical errors, and spelling mistakes. But in the past few weeks, I finally worked up the courage to finish it all in one go. At first I was really depressed and couldn’t bring myself to finishing the course. As well, it was extremely demoralizing and unencouraging to continue on given the amount of errors in the learning text. But as mentioned earlier, this past few weeks I’ve overcome the lack of motivation and just powered through it all.

I’ve got a list of things I need to do written down in my notebook and I plan on slowly chipping away at them. More will be added to the list as time goes on, but it will force me to prioritize things, change, and be adaptable and flexible.

Anyway, that’s four great things that’s happened to me in the past few weeks! I am grateful!

That’s it for now!

Have a great WTF rest of the week!